I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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