My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
