Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
