Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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