Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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