Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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