I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
