Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
