dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
