lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
