she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
