College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
