I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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