Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
