He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
