Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
