nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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