it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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