Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
