p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
