I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
zippers are such a cool invention
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
