I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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