fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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