I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
