She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
