oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
