If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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