If that was your dad, he is hot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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