i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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