Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
