My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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