Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
