I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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