i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
