I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
