That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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