Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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