so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
