She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
