So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
