That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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