You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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