At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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