so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
