I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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