I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
