I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
