is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He has the fingertips of a God
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