THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
