I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
