I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
