I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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