I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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