We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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