I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I stole a fireplace last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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