omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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