It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
