All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
