So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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