i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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