Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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