Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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