Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
