Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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