who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
