if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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