Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm at about main and main street
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
