someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
