in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
